Urlacher Quitting Golf!
So, I grab the Trib today as I’m ordering up my sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit at McD’s in Oak Brook (it’s always better there). Like the Neanderthal that I am, I go to the sports page first. Making matters worse, I even read the Trib sports from back to front because I like to start with articles that are short and not very demanding. While my eyes were first drawn to the Anna Benson World Series of Poker story (it was top center), it didn’t take me long to get to Bears Bits (by John Mullin and K.C. Johnson) and the story of Urlacher quitting golf.
This is great for a couple of reasons. First of all, Urlacher is probably one of the toughest dudes of our generation. He is an All-Pro linebacker for arguably the toughest defense in the league. How is it, I ask you, that one of the baddest dudes in the land is quitting the sport of Phil Mickelson and Corey Pavin because he is afraid of hurting his hammy whammy? Well, because it is a sport, and if you think it’s less demanding on your body because some fat dudes and waif-like males excel at it, you are wrong.
Listen to all of the detractors of “golf as sport”! Golf isn’t a sport because you don’t sweat! Golf isn’t a sport because there is no pain! You can’t get injured driving around on a golf cart all day! Hah, there you go. I say to you detractor-man, strap 35 lbs on your back, walk five or six miles over hill-and-dale during the dog days of summer, and stop every few moments to perform a complex, violent, unnatural physical movement. Then, after about four hours of that, tell me golf is not a sport whilst I peel your sorry ass off the ground. Or better yet, don’t put yourself through that; just ask Urlacher if you need some confirmation.
Second, I love that he tried to quit last summer, but he couldn’t do it. Like some junky looking for his next fix…just another athlete looking for a competitive outlet. Golf sucks you in and consumes your life to the point of jeopardizing your job, family, friends, and health (physical and mental). But you still do it, even though it hurts you and your loved ones, because just the chance of sticking an eight iron from 145 yards to a tucked pin, over water, on a sun-baked green on the last hole of your match is worth waiting for.